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From Katie Falkingham
On Lorraine the left forearm of Denman is still now a tattoo.
Ellie Soutter stands with her arms , the seas of a lake that is French lapping around her thighs – looking outside to the distance.
It had been one of the favorite pictures, Lorraine says. I see joy, I see liberty.
One of Britains most gifted young snowboarders, ellie, was tipped at the Beijing 2022 Winter Olympics for victory.
But on 25 July 2018, she chose her own life. It was her birthday.
Life is totally vacant, Lorraine says. I have a enormous void in my entire life.
It is like having the battery taken out of me. There is nothing and Im just running on empty
Ellie taken the British flag and won bronze at Turkey at the 2017 Youth Olympic Winter Festival. However, as her father Tony has told the BBC,funds played massively in her head and that stress took its toll.
In the days leading up to her passing, Ellie – due to attend training camp had missed a trip, and because of this, felt she hadlet everyone down.
Ellie was another half of us, Lorraine tells BBC Breakfasts Sally Nugent. She had been very strong, very passionate about her own ideas, she had been really driven and she was so quite articulate.
She knew what she wanted, even in an early age. She had her very own ambitions and her own drive
Lorraine talked to Ellie the day before her birthday, a conversation in which she had been told by Ellie regarding the flight.
We managed to get things online, we were talking and Id like to go home, to appreciate her evening and I would give her a call the next day.
When neither Lorraine, nor her father, nor some of Ellies friends, can find her on her milestone birthday alarm bells rang.
As a mother, I knew something was not correct, Lorraine says.
A nurse in Hove, she left early. Ellies phone remained unanswered, and as the afternoon went on, authorities in Les Gets – the French village – were known as and hunt parties deployed.
Later that night, Lorraine known as Ellies father again.
He did not answer and then he called me , she states.
I simply explained to himhave you seen Ellie? Have you ever heard from her , and he saidwe have found her.
For a split moment, I believed she was living. And he explained:shes dead. He saidLorraine, she is dead.
I got out of bed and I just fell to the floor. Someone may also have just taken out my heart.
That night, her husband and Lorraine walked the roads for five full hours. Where they went or what they saw, she has no recollection.
Fifteen months on, she takes time speak with her daughter daily and to hold the ashes of Ellie. The tattoo on her arm, she says, allows her to feel near her child.
Sometimes, Ive heard tales, be it about the news or Ive read it from the paper, of different men and women whove lost their kids, and I thinkthose bad folks, she states.
Then all of sudden, it strikes me. Thats me. Im one of those individuals.
Ellie, based on her mum,was a worrier.
She worried about folks, she worried about cash, and she stressed aboutwas that I OK, was her dad OK? She worried about whether she was likely to meet expectations.
Yet in the outside, Ellie seemed anything but a worrier. And this, for Lorraine, is what should berecognised.
She seemed like she had all, she states.
As parents, we have to take that as a responsibility as well, since it was easy for us to turn around and sayEllie, you have got nothing to be worried about, everything is going to be nice, youve got so much to look ahead to, you have this coming up, youve got this, but I think people have to listen and read between the lines.
Lorraine adds:You can not wrap your children in cotton wool, so they are people and they have got minds of their own, however you may have enough time to sit down and listen to themor simply take on board if they have said something for you, do not just disregard it.
In today following Ellies departure, her parents established the Ellie Soutter Foundation so as to help young winter athletesreach their dreams and potential and also to help end thevicious cycle around youthful athletes financing.
Up to now the Foundation has two young snowboarders – Mia Brookes along with Maisie Hill.
On a personal level, Lorraine has now found that the strength to inform her daughters story, in the hope. Ellies death, she states,can not be in vain.
I am a voice for Ellie now, and now I must proceed and make other people aware that she couldnt say how she felt for some reason, but that I am now able to encourage folks to speak up, to discuss or to speak with their parents or their friends if they are having any issues, and I think this is whats pushing me on.
Perhaps you have wanted to give up? Quite honestly, yes. What is the point in living without her? But she is me and Im her.
If Im going to represent her, I am going to do it in the perfect way.
In the event that you or someone you know is being affected by a mental health problem, assistance and support is available at bbc.co.uk/actionline
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